Phrase Writers Group

At every Phrase Writers meeting we are given (optional) homework, a subject or phrase to inspire a story or poem.

This week's subject -- In the end

Friends donated their (first) names

Panto Pirates stories:
A Practical Panto Pirate Primer (18 January 2023)
A tale of pantomime pirates and their team building treasure hunt

The Perfect Storm (21 September 2023)
The Panto Pirates first rehearsal

The Structural Engineer’s Secret (5 October 2023)
The Panto Pirates do set design

Oh Yes You Can (14 November 2024)
The Panto Pirates first performance

The saga continues

A PRACTICAL PANTO PIRATE PRIMER

“Arr Jim Lad” echoed round the Village Hall, one early autumn Saturday morning.

Polly sighed. Directing this year’s pantomime was not her first choice, but being the rear end of the show’s cow was even further down her wish list.

As usual Adele had written the panto, mainly because she wanted to be a pirate. And so the village green echoed to synchronised “Arr Jim Lads” throughout the summer, as the least likely buccaneers practised their pirate speak. Mainly those three words.

“Can we settle down?” Polly said more in hope, as the “Jim Lads” started to fade.

“Arr Polly Lass” said Tommy, amidst confirming pirate-speak from his friends.

“I have the cast list” said Polly.

“Adele, James and Tommy are pirates, the rest are the villagers. James. I know you hate any variation of your name, but I’d like you to be...”

“… Jim Lad, arr” said Adele and Tommy.

James had been expecting this since the pantomime and its theme had been announced earlier in the year. His easy going nature meant this part was easiest to cast.

Polly continued. “Cathryn, you’re Daisy the Cow and James, you’re also Daisy’s hind quarters”.

James looked puzzled.

Adele and Tommy helped out. “Arse, Jim lad”.

“Now we do have an issue” said Polly. “This year’s summer fete had everyone doing their own thing, pulling in different directions. The ’Tug of war’ went round in circles, ending in the village pond. I know, to err is human...”

“To arr is pirate” growled the buccaneers.

“So we need a team building exercise”.

There was a chorus of “Wot? Exercise?” and a few “Arr Jim Lads”, more out of habit than anything.

“Two teams” continued Polly, “Pirates and Villagers. It’s actually a team building treasure hunt...”

The word “treasure” activated the pirates’ catchphrase with gusto.

Polly bravely persevered. “You’re looking for small flags in the village, red for pirates and blue for villagers. Where each flag is will suggest a phrase, either pirate-related or ‘In the’ something, such as ‘In the soup’ or ‘In the end’. Collect your two flags, deduce the phrases and meet back at the village pub. Any questions?”

Gareth had been sitting patiently, listening as was his way. He always had questions that rarely went answered. Still, worth asking.

“Can I be the referee? Someone has to ensure fair play. The pirates are bound to cheat. Where’s the sin bin?”

And as always, being Polly’s cat, it came out as “Meow”.

Polly stroked Gareth and said “Good luck everyone. The prize will be announced in the end”.

The pirates and villagers left the hall, going in different directions.

Adele took command. “We’ll do better if we split up. Get the flags, make notes of where we find them and then brainstorm at the pub as to the phrases”.

Before Tommy and James could comment, she ran off. The remaining pirates shrugged and wandered away.

Meanwhile the villagers spread out but kept within talking distance of each other. Cathryn was the first to see a flag.

“Ahoy shipmates” she called, and they rallied round. “There’s a flag in the middle of the village pond. Fortunately the pirates will have to figure out how to get their red flag. ‘Walk the plank’ might be their phrase”. They chuckled and carried on looking.

Cathryn’s call had attracted Tommy and James, who came running.

“Well, there’s a flag” said Tommy, “but how do we get there?”

James looked around. There was a pile of old planks nearby. Each too short to reach the middle of the pond.

“Let’s ring Adele” said James.”She’s a mathematics teacher, might have some ideas”.

Elsewhere the villagers had found a blue flag by the clock tower and decided ‘In the moment’ was the phrase.

Adele bowled up at the pond and assessed the situation. The water was fine for the ducks but no one fancied a second splosh after their ‘Tug of war’ experience.

Adele dragged one plank to the pond, so it crossed one part of the bank. Tommy helped her position another so it reached from another bank to the first plank. While Tommy and Adele sat on two ends of the planks, James carefully crawled to their intersection with the third plank, and it just reached the flag in the centre of the pond.

Back on dry land the pirates smiled, and returned the planks to their original pile.

“Simple trigonometry, coupled with teamwork” said Adele. She knew the answer but asked “Any ideas for the phrase?”

Tommy and James both shouted “Walk the plank!”

“Let’s go to the pub” said Adele, “We’ve earned a drink”.

As they walked down the road a red flag was pinned to the village health club. Tommy and James enjoyed working out with weights while Adele swam every day in its outdoor unheated swimming pool. They took the flag and the pirates as one said “Arr, gym lad”.

They met the villagers outside the pub with their second blue flag, scratching their heads.

“We’re stuck for a phrase” said Cathryn. “‘In the drink’ doesn’t sound right”.

“James and I enjoy the weekly pub quizzes” said Tommy. “How about ‘In the know’?”

“Thanks, that’s the one” said Cathryn. “Let’s celebrate inside”.

* * * * *

Polly secretly smiled as she watched the pirates and villagers mixing and laughing in the Inn, flags on a table with a right concoction of drinks and baskets of freshly triple-cooked chips.

Her cat Gareth looked ready to say something, then settled down with his chips.

Polly cleared her throat. “Well done everyone. You’ve found the flags and phrases. But the real treasure is friendship”.

“Arr Jim lad”, several “Hear hears” and clinking of glasses greeted Polly’s words.

As the hubbub died down, relatively speaking, Polly had one last announcement.

“Rehearsals start tomorrow. But first we have some serious pizzas to enjoy from our favourite hostelry. So let’s raise our glasses and finish this team building treasure hunt with a toast: Inn, the end”