Phrase Writers Group

At every U3A (University of the Third Age) Creative Writing meeting we are given (optional) homework, a subject or phrase to inspire a story or poem.

This week's subject -- Nelson's Story

Friends donated their (first) names

NELSON'S STORY

It was Susie’s first day as a reporter and writer at The Echo, her town’s weekly newspaper.

She had been a cub reporter in her teens, writing about the Brownies, then the Guides, her Mother’s Women’s Institute activities and the occasional eyebrow raising stories. Focused on writing what she saw, omitting her opinions. Then came university, an English degree, and an opening back at The Echo.

At that morning’s editorial meeting, the Editor, also known as She Who Must Be Obeyed, had announced the return of a long running feature, Nelson’s Column.

Susie’s first job was to write it and was somewhat stuck for ideas.

From talking to her new colleagues Susie was surprised there was no Nelson, and never had been. Different people wrote a story each week, albeit under the byline of Nelson. And it was custom to invent details about Nelson, to flesh out the character.

Research was important to Susie. She decided to visit The Echo’s library, with clippings of every Nelson’s Column.

The Echo had their own premises with several floors, each department on its own level. You could use the back stairs, but more useful was Brian the lift operator. Especially as regular reorganisations meant only Brian knew where anyone and their department was. Thankfully reception stayed on the ground floor.

Before going to the library via the lift, Susie made notes of her first editorial meeting.

She had been introduced to her colleagues, scribbling names, and hoping she would learn them in time. The Editor talked about the lead stories for that week’s edition, features, advertising, letters and responses needed, puzzle page and more.

Then she turned to Susie and told her about Nelson’s Column. It had been rested for several months, time to return. Susie could write what she liked, about 300 words. Maybe look at past columns.

Then the Editor opened the floor for contributions and questions.

“The ghosts are back” said Jan, an award-winning writer.

“Time to call Ghostbusters?” suggested Hugh, The Echo’s designer and film buff.

“Don’t be ridiculous” admonished Jan, “that’s make believe. This is real life”.

“Maybe you can tell Susie about the ghosts” said Hugh.

Everyone settled down for the memories.

“A few years ago the April 1st Nelson’s Column had a supposedly spoof story about unseen superheroes associated with devices. They help you get great results. Such as Ironman for the perfect shirt or handkerchief, Manuel with device documentation and Dick the Dictionary. But when unused, the superheroes become ghosts and haunt your efforts to make do without them.

“After publication we had a flood of letters confirming how the superheroes helped people, and problems when not used for a while. Crinkly clothes led to a failed date or unsuccessful job interview, not reading manuals had dire results with washing machines, computers and recipes. And guessing spellings led to the vacancy you have filled, Susie.

“That’s when She Who Must Be Obeyed decided to rest Nelson’s Column for a while.

“But it was really popular. A further flood forced its return. So here you are”.

“Why are the ghosts back?” asked Susie.

The Editor replied. “The superhero letters dried up, those about ghosts fill our In trays. I’d like you Susie to write entertaining stories about irons etc, some anecdotes, history and tips. All within your word count. Do your research, use your imagination. Don’t forget to add to Nelson’s character”.

The meeting over, people drifted back to their desks. Jan saw Susie looking bewildered so went over.

“It’s a bit overwhelming, isn’t it. I felt the same on my first day. Had to write a Nelson piece. Best advice for me I offer to you. Chat to Brian the lift operator. Been here forever, knows everyone and where the bodies are buried!”

Jan smiled adding “And a Nelson ninja; what he doesn’t know Brian just makes up”.

Feeling somewhat relieved Susie sauntered to the lift with her ever-present notepad and pen and pressed the Call button.

An ever-smiling Brian arrived and said “You must be Susie, Welcome to The Echo”.

“Hello Brian, thanks. Everyone has been kind. Learning where everything is”.

“Well the location of the departments tend to change on a regular basis. Lots of reorganisations inflicted by the top brass who reside in a different town. So people tend to ask for the department and rely on me knowing which floor. There are stairs, used mainly for keep fit, especially after the lovely food served in the restaurant. Have you had breakfast?”

“Yes” said Susie. “Though always room for tea and a croissant”.

“The restaurant is open 6am to 10pm, appreciated by all. Currently on the second floor and believe me, you’ll be having seconds. That’s how I remember where everything is.

“Reception is always on the ground floor, where they serve perfect ground coffee, freshly brewed. For visitors and staff alike.

“Editorial on the first floor, with its unlimited Hot Chocolate and chilled water, ready to quench your thirst”.

Susie scribbled succinctly. “I remember a great quote during my English degree. Apparently from Roman times. ‘We tend to meet any new situation by reorganising, and a wonderful method it can be for creating the illusion of progress while producing confusion inefficiency, and demoralisation’.”

Brian nodded. “It actually serves to chuck out stuff never used, ready for new redundant things. We used to transfer documents to microfiche, now all on computers and can be easily searched”.

Susie had decided she could learn much from Brian.

“I’m writing the next Nelson’s Column. I hear you’re the resident expert”.

“I’ve read all the stories” agreed Brian. “So disappointed when they stopped. Sort of built up a mental image of Nelson. Flamboyant, nattily dressed, ironed to perfection. Well read, a natural librarian, read manuals to everything and readily helped anyone. And a walking dictionary.

“So glad you are bringing Nelson back. You’ll find lots in the library”.

“Can I ask you any questions?” said Susie.

“Of course, any time. You know where I am.

“We can explore the building another time. On the top storey, peace and quiet, varied views of the town.

“And here we are at the library. Or as I call it, Nelson’s back, storey”