Phrase Writers Group

At every Phrase Writers meeting we are given (optional) homework, a subject or phrase to inspire a story or poem.

This week's subject -- Lost

Friends donated their (first) names

LOST

“Lost, it’s lost” moaned Santa.

The loyal elves gazed at Santa, waiting to hear more, indeed wanting Santa to speak the traditional Elvish way.

Toby left off his latest origami project and asked
“Tell us more Santa, do
What’s been lost, give us a clue”.

Sophie put down her ukulele and said
“It’s Christmas soon, so don’t delay
We can help you, it’s our way”.

Yvette wanted to hug Santa, to return the many they had shared when she struggled with her magic tricks.
“Santa please, what is mislaid?
It’s Christmas Eve, have some lemonade”.

Steve, the Santa-impersonator elf for when the boss wanted a night off, declared
“Santa you are All shook up
Here’s some eggnog, have a cup”.

Santa raised a weary head.
“We’ve lost the Christmas Cracker joke book”
The elves all cried “We’ll have a look”.

“It’s not that simple you should know
Let me explain, blow by blow.

“For many years you Elves wrote quips
Usually while eating your fish & chips
They filled the crackers we took out
With all the presents and the odd sprout.

“Then came the day the jokes weren’t amusing
Except for Elves, and their eggnog boozing
So I went to London, in disguise
Outsourced the writing with some guys.

“They took the book full of your fun
Promising jokes and the odd pun
All went well for a month or two
Though some jokes were far too blue.

“Yesterday they left our employ
Did not find it such a joy
Took the book with them that day
Made a fortune on eBay”.

Santa sank southwards on a chair, worn out.

Steve assumed his deputy Santa persona and said
“Santa you are without compare
Leave this to us, you Teddy Bear
It’s Christmas Eve, plenty to do
You’ll see us through, that’s The Wonder of You”.

Santa smiled, got up and went to his reindeer, sleigh and elves making ready for take off.

Steve addressed his friends.
“Toby, Yvette, Sophie and me
We’ll write the jokes for Santa, you’ll see.
But before we celebrate with elation
We need A little less conversation”.

Toby had a question.
“Our previous jokes all did rhyme
Maybe not at all this time”.

Yvette spoke up.
“We used to write jokes for ourselves
Filled shelves with gags about elves.
Now we need different subjects
Any ideas for what comes next?”

Sophie picked up and strummed her ukulele. It helped her relax and get the creative juices flowing.
“We all have different hobbies you know
Mine is playing my uke with gusto”.

Toby picked up the thread.
“I love origami, folding paper
Helps wrapping the presents, except sandpaper...
Hey wait a moment, here’s a notion
Listen to this joke in slow motion.

“I have written a book about Sandpaper. It's a work of friction”.

“That’s magic” said Yvette, “Let’s take our sidelines
Make them funny, the bottom lines”.

The Elves had different ways of deep thinking. Sophie noodled on the ukulele, strumming random chords that were pleasant to hear.

Toby folded and refolded a piece of paper, making unusual shapes.

Yvette practised her magic. Santa said she couldn’t use Elf magic; all her friends had that ability. Instead learn sleight of hand, palming and misdirection.

Took her a long time and daily practice but it was strangely satisfying. And it helped Yvette think about other matters, such as writing witticisms.

Steve thought about Christmas jokes. He loved singing Christmas carols, with Sophie playing her uke. He said
“Here are some jokes, I hope you’ll
Find them funny, Don’t be cruel.

“What is Good King Wenceslas's favourite pizza?
Deep pan, crisp and even

“What do elves call it when Father Christmas claps his hands at the end of a pantomime?
Santapplause”

A roar of laughter greeted Steve’s funnies and he smiled happily.

“My turn” said Yvette, “though I must say
Steve’s jests have made my day.

“Have you heard about the magic tractor?
It drove down the road and turned into a field

“What do you call a dog magician?
A labracadabrador”

The laughter, that had faded, restarted and echoed round the room.

Sophie stood and took a deep breath.
“What kind of music is scary for balloons?
Pop music

“The first rule of cleaning while listening to music: the toilet brush is never the microphone. Never!”

The laughter was punctuated with applause and a few cheers.

Toby thought of another joke.
“I wanted to watch the world Origami championship on TV -- but it was only paper view”

The next hour was filled with laughter, guffaws, cheers and eggnog-free happiness.

Santa came back and found a new Christmas Cracker joke book. There was just time to add them to the crackers on the sleigh.

But first Santa had his elves to thank.

“My faithful friends have saved the day
I no longer feel old and grey.
When I have delivered the presents
And children everywhere enjoy the contents
We’ll have a party for ourselves
Santa and all the elves.

“Toby, your origami is pure gold
I am so glad you’re in the fold.

“Yvette you’re magic in every way
Sophie’s music keeps blues at bay.

“Steve, you are Always on my mind
Your Blue Suede Shoes are hard to find
Way down, as far as the equator
You are the Elvish impersonator”